Disappear

by J Wagner

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1.
Disappear 03:39
We left behind highway 25 And all that noise and industrial lights You’re smiling at me with your feet on the dash While the rearview mirror lays out the past We drove out though that creosote rain Though the union halls and the whitening trains To the laughing boys at a fishing hole To the church yards and the café doors So we could disappear So we could disappear , disappear We headed out to those darken hills To the laughing trees to the winter chill To the frozen lakes to those howling wolves To the underbrush where the lightening burns So we could disappear So we could disappear, disappear Far from those ghost ridden highways Away from the pealing paint and the omens Far from the shelves where we stacked our worries You were already there, so we disappeared, disappeared, disappeared, disappeared
2.
I had so many things to tell you That I had nothing left to say With my shadow digging holes behind me I just smiled and walked away I don’t know where it is I’m running to Or what it is I lost along the way But if you knew what I was trying to forget Why did you not give me a reason to stay Like everything I thought I needed I took a little more than I should In a world full of blind optimism I found nothing that I thought I would I left you and headed east bound And I dug all my troubles from the ground Then I tore the rope I should’ve been mending But that’s only a story for you to tell If you knew where the wind was bound to take me Or you knew how the story would end How could you not of seen the road I had to straighten out Or how that highway was a bit to thin Like everything I thought I needed I took a little more than I should In a world full of blind optimism I found nothing that I thought I would I disappeared into the coast line Slept for days out along the shore Listened to the wind play the ocean But those notes could not strike a chord You’ll find me out on the hillside With that guitar and song in hand With that highway far behind me Where only the wounded would understand Like everything I thought I needed I took a little more than I should In a world full of blind optimism I found nothing that I thought I would
3.
The red of summer is fading Those autumn winds are creeping in And the crows have already flown down from That hill side Where you can take a little more than you give The bones of the trees are rattling The stars are unhinged from the sky So we can look clearly out past the horizon And shake the dust and the leaves from our eyes I’ll sing to and I’ll sing for you softly Like the wind does to a field of cain And I’ll dance with you out in the harvest Where we can lay all our worries in the grain Where we can lay all our worries in the grain The moon now she’s gently resting And the oceans unchained from her past And somewhere in basement of her memory She’ll pull us in and then sail us back Throw those last stones of summer into the river Follow that evening light down a gravel road Where the wind will be whispering through the barley And twirling through that field of crows
4.
Orphans 03:35
The stars act like Orphans , Their afraid to speak up They only talk and tell jokes to them selves There is the warrior and the wanderer and the magicians son And the archer and the alchemist I had nothing to give so I gave them all my dreams And I followed them down those streets and hair-pen curves Their memory is short and their tales stretch long And I’m just waiting for that North Star to ring Chorus So feel me up my only cup it’s your turn to sing me a song I’m sick of these stories and these re-running movies And I’m going to let your voice carry me home I’m going to let your voice carry me home I spent all last week throwing prayers into a well In the evening weaving wishes in the sky Mercury is rising and Orion is falling down With no arrow or shield to guide Chorus Zeus condemned Prometheus for giving fire to man And left him there just chained to a stone Dionysus drunk on wine, we were swinging on those vines With Hermes and that band of thieves Chours
5.
want to find the laughter that you buried beneath the river or the smile that you hid deep inside your closet I want to find the forgiveness that you planted by these irises I want to find that dream that you gave away to a stranger Or the poem that you wrote when you were crying in the café Or the sad song you sang when you disappeared into the moonlight So when I find all of you I’m going to put you back together I’m going to build you strong again and I’m going to love you in the morning And If you’ll be my darling oh I’ll be your darling too I want to find that warmth that you scattered amongst the birch trees Or the love that you kept secret in your basement Or the strength that you laid out for the autumn rain to wash and wash and wash away I want to find that sorrow you left out for the wind to tease Or the fear that you stitched deep inside your pockets And I want to find those stories darling that you drowned in a glass of wine So when I find all of you I’m going to put you back together I’m going to build you strong again and I’m going to love you in the morning And If you’ll be my darling oh I’ll be your darling too I want to find you there Laughing in the café Sipping your green tea and telling me a handful of your secrets I want to find you there darling all wrapped up in the wild colors of me So when I find all of you I’m going to put you back together I’m going to build you strong again and I’m going to love you in the morning And If you’ll be my darling oh I’ll be your darling too
6.
old Missouri 03:16
We came down from old Missouri To find work and raise a Family The money never was what it should’ve been I’m sorry my dear oh I’m sorry my dear The wind grew heavy and the air grew dry Perfect day for that field to burn Near the ocean where I drew the line And I said good bye and I said good bye It wasn’t easy for me to leave that day We grew hungry so I took the blame And I left you there when you needed me Oh how I failed to see how bad you needed me It wasn’t long before you married again You could not wait for to return And now I just hold you in some photograph That’s old and cracked in this old photograph And now there’s stories that I forget to tell The truth I just keep to my self How we were happier back when we were poor How we had so much more back when we poor Now I’m back in some belly of the best And all my monies on the girl in red Neon flickering off those dancing shoes Oh those dancing shoes make me dream of you
7.
You carried your heart home like a tattered brief case Full of faded maps and notes You spent days there dancing with your shadow Your could not hide the words you wrote You came back with a different story Harden lines with in your face I didn’t know if you were looking for a savior Or just a place to hide that shame And we’ve danced here before darling With your brown boots and your winter coat With your hands cracked from the season And your lips raw from the snow I watch you stare off into the harbor Around the corner from changing your mind And with one step closer to that ocean With one foot lagging far behind And we’ve danced here before darling With your brown boots and your winter coat With your hands cracked from the season And your lips raw from the snow You can stay here until you’re sure what it is your leaving Until you know where those old scars are from with one drop of oil still burning You can tell me where both went wrong And we’ve danced here before darling With your brown boots and your winter coat With your hands cracked from the season And your lips raw from the snow
8.
Smoke 03:07
Before you were smoke your were fire Tired because you were waiting in the rain Before you came down you were higher Than the star in my sky you became But you never came back again Before you were fixed you were broken Joking about the state that you were in Before you could sing you had to wait in the wing Of nicotine and adrenaline But you never came back again Before you’re today you’re tomorrow Tumbling backwards in time Before you were wine you were grapes on a vine Staring before you began But your never came back again Before you’re someone you’re no one Before you were able you were Cain Before you were cursed you were blessed by the worst But nobody remembers you beat up old name But you never came back again Before you were smoke your were fire Tired because you were waiting in the rain Before you came down you were higher Than the star in my sky you became But you never came back again
9.
I could no longer stay here I couldn’t bare to watch you starve When there’s no food in one’s belly One’s blood just turns to rust So I sold all I had So I could make a little cash And head north of I-19 And then take that highway far west So farewell Maria…Oh I must be on my way I have dreams of gold and silver Across that Devil’s Highway Damn the Heat of the desert It tears the lining of you soul It turns the heat of your blood to fire And burns away the marrow of your soul I paid off those damn coyotes So they wouldn’t leave out to die Hell Maries aint going to work out here And those prayers aint going to keep you alive So farewell Maria…Oh I must be on my way I have dreams of gold and silver Across that Devil’s Highway And I’ll go as far as they take me And the rest I’ll find my own way And I’ll crawl right over that hillside Far from this devils highway
10.
It’s planting season when the black birds are back Hovering over hills and that tall green grass Momma grew tired of always growing corn She would curse at the field but we would always grow more Those hills where sang are now think with oak The swing is still there but the birds took the rope We would laugh all night beneath the rash of stars And wake in the morning at the back of the barn Under that wet grey sky where we worked the fields We threw our hands in the harvest till our hearts got healed We made all those song ring like sacred hymns That could cut through the cold like a wild whippin wind The grass was a green as the graves of Saints Down at the bend in the river at Carol Ann’s little place And all of summer we just wondered around and roamed And now that dust has turned to mud and that muds turned to stone Under that wet grey sky where we worked the fields We threw our hands in the harvest till our hearts got healed We made all those song ring like sacred hymns That could cut through the cold like a wild whippin wind
11.
Highway Crooks These tales that I traveled with are long There are holes in the soles of these songs And the wind didn’t listen But it howled out decisions And I’ve heard them all before I couldn’t quite shack the truth when it was found So I dug my self a hole deep in the ground There was no place to left to that I hadn’t already ran to But that’s just the way it’s always gone down Red was the color that turned the knife back So I hid my heart some place I couldn’t get at There was nothing left to take that hadn’t already been took But that’s me I’m just laughing killing time like some highway crook I was awake there at your door That was someplace I had feared so long ago But I forgot what I was, was I your raven or your dove I was just glad, glad, to be home Red was the color that turned the knife back So I hid my heart some place I couldn’t get at There was nothing left to take that hadn’t already been took But that’s me I’m just laughing killing time like some highway crook

about

J. Wagner’s fourth album “Disappear” is a collection of eleven songs, that takes you down the desert highway, pass the sage brush and the fields of grain, and then lets you whisk like smoke and speed off with the hills behind you. Wagner has a keen interest in the human condition, and his lyrics take a curious glance at both the individual who loves, who feels alone, and the culture we all inhabit. “Disappear” is a lyrical-based album that moves like desert wind, so much so, you can practically smell the cacti and creosote on each track

credits

released January 1, 2011

Engineered and Mixed by Bruce Chandler
Produced by J Wagner and B Chandler
Mastered by Jonathan Byrd
Design by Bruce Chandler
Cover Photography by Evan leavitt
Constant Clip Records

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J Wagner Austin, Texas

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