Disappear

by J Wagner

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about

J. Wagner’s fourth album “Disappear” is a collection of eleven songs, that takes you down the desert highway, pass the sage brush and the fields of grain, and then lets you whisk like smoke and speed off with the hills behind you. Wagner has a keen interest in the human condition, and his lyrics take a curious glance at both the individual who loves, who feels alone, and the culture we all inhabit. “Disappear” is a lyrical-based album that moves like desert wind, so much so, you can practically smell the cacti and creosote on each track

credits

released January 1, 2011

Engineered and Mixed by Bruce Chandler
Produced by J Wagner and B Chandler
Mastered by Jonathan Byrd
Design by Bruce Chandler
Cover Photography by Evan leavitt
Constant Clip Records

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J Wagner Austin, Texas

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Track Name: Disappear
We left behind highway 25
And all that noise and industrial lights
You’re smiling at me with your feet on the dash
While the rearview mirror lays out the past

We drove out though that creosote rain
Though the union halls and the whitening trains
To the laughing boys at a fishing hole
To the church yards and the café doors

So we could disappear
So we could disappear , disappear

We headed out to those darken hills
To the laughing trees to the winter chill
To the frozen lakes to those howling wolves
To the underbrush where the lightening burns

So we could disappear
So we could disappear, disappear

Far from those ghost ridden highways
Away from the pealing paint and the omens
Far from the shelves where we stacked our worries
You were already there, so we disappeared, disappeared, disappeared, disappeared
Track Name: Story For You to Tell
I had so many things to tell you
That I had nothing left to say
With my shadow digging holes behind me
I just smiled and walked away

I don’t know where it is I’m running to
Or what it is I lost along the way
But if you knew what I was trying to forget
Why did you not give me a reason to stay

Like everything I thought I needed
I took a little more than I should
In a world full of blind optimism
I found nothing that I thought I would

I left you and headed east bound
And I dug all my troubles from the ground
Then I tore the rope I should’ve been mending
But that’s only a story for you to tell

If you knew where the wind was bound to take me
Or you knew how the story would end
How could you not of seen the road I had to straighten out
Or how that highway was a bit to thin

Like everything I thought I needed
I took a little more than I should
In a world full of blind optimism
I found nothing that I thought I would

I disappeared into the coast line
Slept for days out along the shore
Listened to the wind play the ocean
But those notes could not strike a chord

You’ll find me out on the hillside
With that guitar and song in hand
With that highway far behind me
Where only the wounded would understand

Like everything I thought I needed
I took a little more than I should
In a world full of blind optimism
I found nothing that I thought I would
Track Name: Worries in the Grain
The red of summer is fading
Those autumn winds are creeping in
And the crows have already flown down from
That hill side
Where you can take a little more than you give

The bones of the trees are rattling
The stars are unhinged from the sky
So we can look clearly out past the horizon
And shake the dust and the leaves from our eyes

I’ll sing to and I’ll sing for you softly
Like the wind does to a field of cain
And I’ll dance with you out in the harvest
Where we can lay all our worries in the grain
Where we can lay all our worries in the grain

The moon now she’s gently resting
And the oceans unchained from her past
And somewhere in basement of her memory
She’ll pull us in and then sail us back


Throw those last stones of summer into the river
Follow that evening light down a gravel road
Where the wind will be whispering through the barley
And twirling through that field of crows
Track Name: Orphans
The stars act like Orphans , Their afraid to speak up
They only talk and tell jokes to them selves
There is the warrior and the wanderer and the magicians son
And the archer and the alchemist

I had nothing to give so I gave them all my dreams
And I followed them down those streets and hair-pen curves
Their memory is short and their tales stretch long
And I’m just waiting for that North Star to ring

Chorus
So feel me up my only cup it’s your turn to sing me a song
I’m sick of these stories and these re-running movies
And I’m going to let your voice carry me home
I’m going to let your voice carry me home

I spent all last week throwing prayers into a well
In the evening weaving wishes in the sky
Mercury is rising and Orion is falling down
With no arrow or shield to guide

Chorus

Zeus condemned Prometheus for giving fire to man
And left him there just chained to a stone
Dionysus drunk on wine, we were swinging on those vines
With Hermes and that band of thieves

Chours
Track Name: When I Find All of You
want to find the laughter that you buried beneath the river
or the smile that you hid deep inside your closet
I want to find the forgiveness that you planted by these irises

I want to find that dream that you gave away to a stranger
Or the poem that you wrote when you were crying in the café
Or the sad song you sang when you disappeared into the moonlight

So when I find all of you
I’m going to put you back together
I’m going to build you strong again and I’m going to love you in the morning
And If you’ll be my darling oh I’ll be your darling too

I want to find that warmth that you scattered amongst the birch trees
Or the love that you kept secret in your basement
Or the strength that you laid out for the autumn rain to wash and wash and wash away

I want to find that sorrow you left out for the wind to tease
Or the fear that you stitched deep inside your pockets
And I want to find those stories darling that you drowned in a glass of wine

So when I find all of you
I’m going to put you back together
I’m going to build you strong again and I’m going to love you in the morning
And If you’ll be my darling oh I’ll be your darling too

I want to find you there Laughing in the café
Sipping your green tea and telling me a handful of your secrets
I want to find you there darling all wrapped up in the wild colors of me

So when I find all of you
I’m going to put you back together
I’m going to build you strong again and I’m going to love you in the morning
And If you’ll be my darling oh I’ll be your darling too
Track Name: old Missouri
We came down from old Missouri
To find work and raise a Family
The money never was what it should’ve been
I’m sorry my dear oh I’m sorry my dear
The wind grew heavy and the air grew dry
Perfect day for that field to burn
Near the ocean where I drew the line
And I said good bye and I said good bye

It wasn’t easy for me to leave that day
We grew hungry so I took the blame
And I left you there when you needed me
Oh how I failed to see how bad you needed me
It wasn’t long before you married again
You could not wait for to return
And now I just hold you in some photograph
That’s old and cracked in this old photograph

And now there’s stories that I forget to tell
The truth I just keep to my self
How we were happier back when we were poor
How we had so much more back when we poor
Now I’m back in some belly of the best
And all my monies on the girl in red
Neon flickering off those dancing shoes
Oh those dancing shoes make me dream of you
Track Name: We've Danced here before
You carried your heart home like a tattered brief case
Full of faded maps and notes
You spent days there dancing with your shadow
Your could not hide the words you wrote
You came back with a different story
Harden lines with in your face
I didn’t know if you were looking for a savior
Or just a place to hide that shame

And we’ve danced here before darling
With your brown boots and your winter coat
With your hands cracked from the season
And your lips raw from the snow

I watch you stare off into the harbor
Around the corner from changing your mind
And with one step closer to that ocean
With one foot lagging far behind


And we’ve danced here before darling
With your brown boots and your winter coat
With your hands cracked from the season
And your lips raw from the snow

You can stay here until you’re sure what it is your leaving
Until you know where those old scars are from
with one drop of oil still burning
You can tell me where both went wrong

And we’ve danced here before darling
With your brown boots and your winter coat
With your hands cracked from the season
And your lips raw from the snow
Track Name: Smoke
Before you were smoke your were fire
Tired because you were waiting in the rain
Before you came down you were higher
Than the star in my sky you became
But you never came back again

Before you were fixed you were broken
Joking about the state that you were in
Before you could sing you had to wait in the wing
Of nicotine and adrenaline
But you never came back again

Before you’re today you’re tomorrow
Tumbling backwards in time
Before you were wine you were grapes on a vine
Staring before you began
But your never came back again

Before you’re someone you’re no one
Before you were able you were Cain
Before you were cursed you were blessed by the worst
But nobody remembers you beat up old name
But you never came back again

Before you were smoke your were fire
Tired because you were waiting in the rain
Before you came down you were higher
Than the star in my sky you became
But you never came back again
Track Name: Devil's Highway
I could no longer stay here
I couldn’t bare to watch you starve
When there’s no food in one’s belly
One’s blood just turns to rust

So I sold all I had
So I could make a little cash
And head north of I-19
And then take that highway far west

So farewell Maria…Oh I must be on my way
I have dreams of gold and silver
Across that Devil’s Highway

Damn the Heat of the desert
It tears the lining of you soul
It turns the heat of your blood to fire
And burns away the marrow of your soul


I paid off those damn coyotes
So they wouldn’t leave out to die
Hell Maries aint going to work out here
And those prayers aint going to keep you alive

So farewell Maria…Oh I must be on my way
I have dreams of gold and silver
Across that Devil’s Highway

And I’ll go as far as they take me
And the rest I’ll find my own way
And I’ll crawl right over that hillside
Far from this devils highway
Track Name: Those Blackbirds
It’s planting season when the black birds are back
Hovering over hills and that tall green grass
Momma grew tired of always growing corn
She would curse at the field but we would always grow more

Those hills where sang are now think with oak
The swing is still there but the birds took the rope
We would laugh all night beneath the rash of stars
And wake in the morning at the back of the barn

Under that wet grey sky where we worked the fields
We threw our hands in the harvest till our hearts got healed
We made all those song ring like sacred hymns
That could cut through the cold like a wild whippin wind

The grass was a green as the graves of Saints
Down at the bend in the river at Carol Ann’s little place
And all of summer we just wondered around and roamed
And now that dust has turned to mud and that muds turned to stone

Under that wet grey sky where we worked the fields
We threw our hands in the harvest till our hearts got healed
We made all those song ring like sacred hymns
That could cut through the cold like a wild whippin wind
Track Name: Highway Crooks
Highway Crooks

These tales that I traveled with are long
There are holes in the soles of these songs
And the wind didn’t listen
But it howled out decisions
And I’ve heard them all before
I couldn’t quite shack the truth when it was found
So I dug my self a hole deep in the ground
There was no place to left to that I hadn’t already ran to
But that’s just the way it’s always gone down

Red was the color that turned the knife back
So I hid my heart some place I couldn’t get at
There was nothing left to take that hadn’t already been took
But that’s me I’m just laughing killing time like some highway crook


I was awake there at your door
That was someplace I had feared so long ago
But I forgot what I was, was I your raven or your dove
I was just glad, glad, to be home

Red was the color that turned the knife back
So I hid my heart some place I couldn’t get at
There was nothing left to take that hadn’t already been took
But that’s me I’m just laughing killing time like some highway crook